Every Friday The Gypsy Mama gives a prompt and you are supposed to write about it in 5 minutes. Only 5 minutes! Also, no edits! Just write. So here goes . . .
Start…
Nobody ever told me, wisely, how hard parenting would be. Especially when one of your daughters is so wonderfully different from you.
The difficult toddler years, when I would have to pull her away from the stairs and other dangerous places.
The challenging elementary years, when she would get so angry with me and her dad, that once she stood at the top of the stairs, while we had company, and yelled “Swears! Swears!” with an accompanying hand gesture.
The heartbreaking teen years, when I could hear sobbing from inside her bedroom, and myself stood crying outside her door, not knowing how to help her through the tremendously difficult times of adolescence, not being able to figure out how to get her to open up the door and herself to me, and of her not willing to let go of her steely independence.
Such a hard love.
End…
Arrrrggggghhhhh! I long to be able to write a post that I can leave as is at the five minute mark.
That being said…
My story has an important lesson and a happy ending that I must share, especially for all those moms who are struggling with understanding their daughters.
I was so challenged by our youngest. She was always much more like her dad, and she still does have much more in common character wise with him. He was always more easy going and more of a risk taker than I. Where he saw opportunity for growth, I saw danger. I would be quick to rise to her bait, while he would more often see it for what it was, and either ignore the challenge or call her on it.
Now that Leslie is a young adult (yes, we both survived!) I see our relationship as one that has grown and matured to a wonderful blend of love, laughter and respect. Is it perfect? Of course not. We both still manage to irritate each other, just nowhere near as often as we used to.
We have endured tremendous pressure, and with the benefit of hindsight, I see that we have been sharpened and shined into better individuals. I wouldn’t have it any other way, or have her be anyone else but who she is.
Moms, keep the faith, stay on the path, be the mom, do what is right, not what is easy, convenient or more comfortable, and later you will be able to be the friend, and have a delightful friend in your daughters.
I beg your indulgence for one additional note:
If you would like a grown up sisterly perspective on a similar topic, Leslie’s sister Alexis recently blogged about their adult relationship here at her site, Alexis Hall Photo.
5 comments:
Thank you for your perspective, Kim. My mom and I have discovered a wonderful relationship in my adulthood, after a difficult bout in my teens and early college. Mine is only five, but I long for the day we can be "friends."
Five minutes can be so hard sometimes! I am glad you didn't stop at five minutes!
I have 3 little girls and each one is so different!! doing my best to persevere through these hard years... looking forward to seeing the fruit of my labor and maybe my girls posting sweet blogs about their sisters some day!
Ahhh, these wonderful times where all of us are now friends, where the girls call regularly, they look to us for advice (yes, we are waaaaay smarter than we were when they were teens!), and joke and laugh a lot. There were days that I didn't know if or how we were going to get here, but it was certainly worth it. Keep the faith, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other!
Dear Kim,
I love your heart for your daughter--and your vulnerability in sharing the beauty of love, in the tough times and the glory through it all. Thank you so much for your beautiful post.
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