Living in America

I am an unabashed, unapologetic patriot. I love my country, with all of its flaws and wonders, the good and the bad, and the ordinary and the miraculous. I get choked up when I hear our national anthem and am humbled when I think of the sacrifice of our veterans. I feel so blessed to live here and I am especially touched by our generosity as a nation. Look at the response to the horrific aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti, and how we have come together with money and supplies, and volunteers who are willing to go help the survivors of that disaster.

We have seen this scenario play out again and again, in small and large ways, across our great nation, When there is a crisis, our fellow citizens rise to the challenge. I feel so blessed to be living in America.

Have you looked at your life this week to find your blessings?

I leave you with a video of Faith Hill performing a stirring rendition of The Star Spangled Banner at the Superbowl. Enjoy!

Looking for the Good

For the most part, I am blessed with the ability to always look for the good in everything. I am the one ready to find even a small slice of blue sky to brighten my day. Of course, it is never enough for me to just enjoy this myself. I am compelled to share this gift with others. (I call it sharing. They call it, well, let’s just say that the response is often underwhelming in its enthusiasm, and I often get very strange looks and get called things like “too darn happy”.)

When our daughters were young, I wanted to demonstrate this principle to them. On our way to elementary school one day, I gave each girl an assignment. I told one to look for anything of beauty along the way, and I tasked the other with spotting all the ugliness.

As you can guess, when I asked the girls later to share what they saw, their responses were very different, despite the fact that they were each reporting on the exact same familiar stretch of road. One just bubbled over with joy, recounting all of the bright and colorful impressions she had collected along the way. The other was more subdued, almost indignant, at the amount of garbage and general unattractiveness that she had noticed in her neighborhood and beyond.

Please understand that this purposeful act of searching out the good is not the approach of a Pollyanna. For you dear readers who may be too young to have ever heard that term, it applies to someone who is invariably and unrealistically optimistic, and no, that it is not me. I have plenty that goes wrong in my life, and yes, I sometimes succumb to sulking, sadness or other emotions that are just not really productive. So, rather than sputtering and just being angry, I change my perspective and seek that small nugget of goodness so I can stay balanced, and to remember that I am deeply blessed in my life. There are just some days I have to look really hard, but the blessings are there.

Take the time to look for you blessings today, and I believe you will be pleasantly surprised at what you discover.

52 Blessings-Week 1

This first entry is actually a very difficult choice, because when I sit and start to list my blessings, I am absolutely overwhelmed by all that is good in my life. That is not to say that I am not challenged. Oh, no. Far from it. I guess, thinking in that vein, especially about my recent brush with less than stellar health brings me to my first blessing.

What started about a couple of months ago with an atypical result from a yearly exam, culminated this week with day surgery, mostly/hopefully just a) to be sure there is really nothing to be concerned about, or b), as a preventative measure against cancer. I am truly blessed to have access to excellent health care, which includes every person who has read my tests, scheduled my visits, worked with me and on me, and all those folks who are involved in my care in a more indirect way. I say “thank you” to all of you from the bottom of my heart!

OK. I know I am supposed to just list one blessing. But this week, especially in light of my brief stay at the hospital, I must add a little more. Anesthesia and the “relax and be happy” stuff they inject into your IV before heading to the operating room. Wow. Really good stuff. The support of family, friends and my workplace, the prayers on my behalf, the calls and the emails, and the off-beat humor that is never off limits with my siblings. Thank you, thank you for all of it.

A New Year and an Idea

Goodness gracious! It has been too long since I posted here. My deepest apologies for my absence. I could blame it on the fact that I stopped posting after I became employed again and had far less free time in my life, but I just have to say it was really the alien abduction that took me away…OK. It wasn't. I'm just making excuses.

So, it is 2010. A new year. A fresh start. Exciting beginnings. It is time to roll out the New Year Resolutions. Or maybe not.

Generally speaking, I am more of a year round “embrace change as I am inspired/required” type as opposed to a “fill up the resolution mobile to overflowing and run it on high until I run out of gas and desert the vehicle for another year” type.

I can say that would like to make the change to be a better, more consistent blogger, and to that end I am introducing to you an idea that has simmered on my mental backburner for the past year: The 52 Blessings Project.

I am not sure of the origin of this concept, so I am unable to credit the proper person or site. The idea is simple: once a week, focus on something in your life for which you are grateful, and write about it. You don’t have to pen a novel, and you don’t have to have a photo that illustrates the point. The idea is to just look for the good in your life and recognize it.

Sometimes you may feel you have to search very hard for just a tiny nugget, other days you may find your proverbial cup overflows. It all comes down to your perspective (I know, I keep pressing that point, here, here, and here ) and how you choose to live your life. If you’ve read me at all, you know that I am all about joy and love and laughter and families and faith and all that is good in this world, and making the best of what we have and where we are.

If you would like to share your blessings, I invite you to do so in the comments. The more the merrier, I say. Thank you for joining me!

'Tis Better to Have Loved and Lost...

A long, long time ago, when our girls were in their early elementary years, we adopted a beautiful three-year old Yellow Labrador dog named Sam, who had been abandoned on a busy street in town by his owner. Not only had he been unceremoniously dumped, but the shelter had been unable to find him a home, so he was slated for euthanasia. My incredibly big-hearted sister who volunteered with the shelter took him home rather than let him be destroyed, and contacted us about him. We took an immediate liking to Sam, and brought him home that day. He was an amazing and handsome dog, so loving and protective, and so forgiving of anything, especially little toddler nieces and nephews who inadvertently sat on him.

About a year later, we decided he needed a buddy. My sister told us about a beautiful Golden Retriever who was on a revolving door cycle at the shelter. The owner would run try to teach Jake, quite unsuccessfully I might add, to become a hunting dog, by using/abusing a shock collar. The man would completely lose patience and dump Jake at the shelter, and then when some time had passed and a cooler head prevailed, he would return for his dog. Well, the next time Jake was dropped, we received a call, and that day, he became a member of our family, and Sam’s best bud ever.

That was so long ago, and the years include so many happy memories, like the hike shown in the photo above. Our loyal dogs were with us to watch over our family, and especially the girls, as they grew into adulthood and left home. Almost two years ago, however, the tables turned, and it was our turn to watch over Sam, as his health had deteriorated, and his quality of life had reached a tipping point. Although it was difficult to say goodbye to him, we had been mentally preparing for the day for a long time. We were especially concerned about whether Jake would survive Sammydog’s loss. There was a short period when we didn’t think he would, and although he was never quite the same, Jake did settle into a comfortable and happy routine of his own.

Fast forward to this past Friday night. We had plans for the weekend, as most folks do, but they changed in a heartbeat on Saturday morning, when I awoke to find Jake having a seizure and a stroke. He went from being a friendly, goofy senior pet who would sometimes still race through the house for his beloved tennis ball to a partially paralyzed, confused and frightened dog who could barely wag his tail. The following twenty-four hours were filled with both hope and sorrow, as our gallant Retriever would slowly regain his some of his functions, and then he would slip backwards again. Yesterday morning, Jake was still unable and uninterested in drinking water, and his basic abilities were again diminished, so we tearfully made the difficult decision to call the vet. Our Jakey-Jake loved us unconditionally to the end, and we loved him as well. I am so grateful, not only to our vet who is always so thoughtful and tender with us and our four legged family members, but also for our girls, who happened to be visiting this weekend so we could be together to say goodbye to Jake, to celebrate the joy he brought us, and to support each other in our grief.

I share this glimpse into our private lives as a reminder that life can change abruptly, so you must take the time you have every day to let love into your life, and to let those around you know how much they mean to you. A heart that is closed tight certainly avoids the pain of loss, but I believe the greater loss is to have never shared your love at all. Take a moment today to let someone in your world know how much you love them.

Looking in the Rear View Mirror

When you took Driver’s Education in high school, you were taught to be aware of all your surroundings so that you would be safe behind the wheel. As you looked ahead, you scanned the traffic and the roadsides. You glanced regularly at your rear view mirror, where you kept an eye on the vehicles and the highway behind you. Any stationary or moving object that was close to your car loomed large and sharp and colorful, and sometimes caused you great concern. As you drove forward, however, anything that was a possible hazard receded into the distance, until it disappeared completely from view.

Many of our day-to-day experiences, especially the problems, are similar to those images in the mirror. Today, right at this moment, the problems are so close. We feel pressured and confined by them. We find ourselves short of breath, or with a rapidly beating heart even as we think about them, regardless of the actual size or scope of the difficulties. They may appear big and complex, sometimes perilous, or even insurmountable. We fear the consequences if we crumple in defeat, or we become very angry, or offended, hurt or bitter as we struggle to come to some sort of resolution. Yet, over time, the feelings we have today, much like the roadside images, often recede into the distance, and become nothing more than specks on the landscape of our past.

How can something that is so large and so very important, fade later into obscurity, stripped of its larger-than-life size and emotion? How can it, at a point in the future, sometimes even morph into a humorous anecdote that you share, such as “Remember that time when I was in high school, and I called you in the middle of the night because I got the car stuck in the woods on an ATV trail?”

Time. Distance. Perspective. Prayer. That’s all. Sometimes, it’s just the passage of hours, days, weeks, or even years. Other times, it’s just a matter of putting some figurative or literal space between you and the issue. It may simply be a matter of taking a few steps and a few deep breaths, and finding a different point of view to gain that fresh perspective. And last, but certainly not least, there is the sweet relief of sharing your burden through prayer.

Is there a problem or issue in your life that would benefit from the healing balm of time, distance, perspective or prayer?

I hope you dance

Many of you will be facing the bittersweet moment this month of watching your child head off to college. Your heart swells with pride at what a terrific young adult your baby has grown into, yet you are concerned about letting go, and letting them grow on their own.

I know. We have been there.

The first time we dropped our eldest off at college, I thought I was going to be just fine. I was so excited for her, and the plans she was making for herself. She was and is an independent thinker who is guided by a strong core of decency and knowing right from wrong. What could I possibly be, other than exceptionally proud?

Oh. I could be a blubbering mom. Just like those before me, and those who would follow.

I would get better over the years at saying goodbye, but as someone who can be brought to tears by the slightest hint of emotion in a TV commercial, it has always been a bit of a struggle for me.

We have been there twice, with both daughters. We have seen them off, not only to the start of their college careers, but also to side trips that had me stressing. There was the weeklong bare bones hike into the mountains with no soap or shampoo, and-gasp!-no electronics, that also required each participant to spend one night camping completely alone. (Quick-where is that paper bag I keep handy so that I can stop hyperventilating?) There was the trip we weren’t able to make to JFK airport, in NYC, to watch the plane whisk our daughter to Paris for her junior year abroad. That was tough. Especially the panicked phone call from her, hundreds of miles away, saying that she had left her backpack-her life, her passport-in the van when it dropped her at the airport. (She was reunited shortly with her pack, thankfully!)

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

The good news?

If you think your heart swells with pride and possibly constricts a little with concern at watching them leave home for the first time, just be patient, and watch them grow into adulthood. There is hope, for those of you who are in the midst of those “terrible, horrible, no good very bad” teen years. Much like the ordinary caterpillar who becomes a lovely butterfly, your child-who you may have joked about putting out in the yard with a “free to any home” sign-will transform into a really nice human being and a good friend.

Soldier on, my friends. Parenting is not an easy task, nor is it generally filled with gratitude from your teens. But the rewards are great. Grow them up, and let them go.

So what is the message here? I guess it would be to stay hopeful and loving, firm and fair, and remembering to look beyond the skirmishes of today to the rewards of tomorrow. "I Hope You Dance" is a song by Lee Ann Womack that my hubbie dedicated to our oldest daughter at the time of her graduation. It makes me teary eyed every time I hear it, as I think Lee Ann captures the message of love we desire to pass on to our children. A word to the wise: go get some tissues before you hit play, just in case...